What's funny? What isn't? And why do I never get a laugh when I tell that joke about the moose?

Friday, June 4, 2010

Contest #2: Spider's Game

Q: If a priest is defrocked, what happens to a lawyer who is fired?
A: A lawyer is debriefed, of course!


That's the format for a punning game created by Spider Robinson. Spider is a pretty good science fiction writer with a REALLY good sense of humor. (See the previous blog entry "God is an Iron")

The game I call "Spider's Game" first appeared in one of his novels (Callahan's Lady, I believe). His characters reel off whole sequence of delightfully awful puns.

Now, I haven't got the book in front of me, but here are some other examples:

A statistician is demeaned.

A skunk is distinct.

A dressmaker is depleated.

A lazy person is diseased.

And two spectacularly bad puns:

A vegetable juice manufacturer is deviated.

A priest with the New York City Transit Authority receives disPennStation.

Well, that's the basis of our new contest: Create as many entries to Spider's Game as possible. There will be two prizes awarded this time around, one for the most valid entries, and one for the single worst (you know, best) pun.

Here are the rules (such as they are):

1) All entries are to be in the form "A(n) __________ is __________" All the descriptive words are to start with the prefixes "dis" or "de" and have to be real words.

2) Entries have to be a pun, rather than a real world example.

3) Only ONE ENTRY AT A TIME. Someone else has to post an entry before you can post a second entry. This is to encourage frequent posting, to prevent one person from hogging all the obvious entries, and to force return visits .

4) The contest will continue until the end of June 2010, or until there have been no new posts for 72 hours, whichever is later.

Friends and relatives are encouraged to enter, as are complete strangers. Decisions of Fearless Leader are (as usual) arbitrary and final.

Read, set, GO!






138 comments:

  1. Civil attorneys are distorted

    Jerry

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  2. Arrrgh. My first post violated my own rules!

    Ahem:

    "A civil attorney is distorted"

    There we go.

    Jerry

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  3. An illusionist is disappeared.

    -Alex

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  4. A private investigator is dislocated.

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  5. That last one was mine.

    -Alex

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  6. A farmer is distilled.

    (and now I am going to bed)

    Jerry

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  7. A bouncer at a club that serves alcohol is discarded.

    -Alex

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  8. A diplomat is disconsolate.

    Jerry

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  9. A lexicographer is demeaned.

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  10. A team player is disconcerted.

    -Alex

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  11. A factory worker is dismayed

    -Katie

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  12. An exorcist is dispossessed. (And his former clients are repossessed, I suppose, but that doesn't count as a double entry because it doesn't fit the format.)

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  13. An auto-body repairman is defended.

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  14. BTW, Katie and Alex, you don't need to be anonymous, as I found out on another blog before I found out while posting on this blog that I actually do have a Google account. You can select "Name/URL" as your profile, and give "google.com" as the URL.

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  15. A bridge expert is defenestrated.

    This is Bill Bensburg, btw

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  16. A journalist is depressed.

    Hmmm, first time I've seen a "word verification" that was an actual English word: orris. (Of course now it's gone.)

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  17. A diplomat is disconsolate

    -Alex

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  18. Jerry already used that one, Alex.

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  19. Damn.

    A tailor is dispatched, then.

    -Alex

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  20. A goose's butcher is dissipated.

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  21. An event planner is dysfunctional.

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  22. A moose joke ... doesn't get laughs.

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  23. An entomologist is debugged.

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  24. OK, time to go politically incorrect. Apologies to those whom I will offend.

    A racist if denigrated.

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  25. So, right after Risa posts, google starts showing ads for lawyers. But you're not posting from your work account, are you?

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  26. Wow, that's weird. I did not post from work - I worked from home, but logged on seperately from my home computer. Scary.

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  27. Where is everybody? Jerry, in the "initials game" that Janet and I play on someone else's blog, he has the same rule about no consecutive posts. But sometime last year he modified it so that if no one else posts for 20 minutes, the same person can post again (as I'm about to do right now, in fact). Those games end after 52 hours, so a short interval is perhaps appropriate, which it wouldn't be here; but how about if no one else posts for 24 hours?

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  28. Models are deposed. (thanks for posting Jay)

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  29. That's "A model is deposed," Risa, but I'll leave it to your husband to determine whether you get credit despite violating the officially sanctioned format.

    Meanwhile, back at the politically-incorrect ranch:

    An East Asia expert is disoriented.

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  30. (And given my comment on Risa's post, I'd better leave it to someone else to figure out what happens to a pedant. And probably to do it to me.)

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  31. A model-maker is deformed.

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  32. As Jerry mentioned earlier, a farmer is distilled. But what he forgot to mention is:

    A distiller is dispirited.

    (Word verification: "pansup" -- it's what's for dinner, but only if you have sufficient skillet preparing it.)

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  33. For my next trick, Jay, I will prove P=NP if N = 1 or P = 0.

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  34. And when you've done that, Jon, your life will be complete?

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  35. A logician is deposited

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  36. (And a divorcee is remiss, but that doesn't fit the format.)

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  37. An incumbent Congressional election loser is dismembered.

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  38. A band that only plays music that other artists have already made popular is discovered.

    -Alex

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  39. A firefighter is distinguished.

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  40. A comic book artist who works between the penciller and the colorist is disInkLined

    -Alex

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  41. A comic book artist who does his work between that of a penciller and that of a colorist is disInkLined.

    -Alex

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  42. A camp counselor is debunked.

    Word verification: "edlin" -- *not* the text editor I'm using to post this.

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  43. A poll watcher is devoted.

    -Bensburg

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  44. A handbag maker is dispersed.

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  45. A cruciverbalist is dissolved.

    -Bensburg

    (repeat post?)

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  46. A transplant surgeon is disorganized.

    Word verification: "matents" -- what female inventors get.

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  47. Come on peeps, I've got about 10 more backed up here. I may have to resort to posting half of them under various assumed names. (I'd never actually do that in a venue like this, but as our Fearless Leader knows full well, it's not that uncommon a practice for writers, for various reasons.)

    So, after two posts with "distill" in them, now we're getting ads for "The Smirnoff Experience."

    Word verification: "muntsms" -- ideologies supporting the use of as few vowels as possible.

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  48. A Calculus Professor is disintegrated.

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  49. A relief pitcher is disclosed.

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  50. (And if Frankie keeps putting two men on in the ninth before squeaking out of it, I might recommend "disclosing" him!)

    (Word verification: "Winest": (1) What I may end up drinking (after "wine" and "winer") if Frankie keeps this up. (2) What I'm likely to turn into (after "whiner") if Frankie keeps this up.)

    (Second word verification, because I forgot to actually type the first one before commenting on it: "Porea": (1) What Frankie's not leaving after the war is over. (2) One nation that will *never* win the World Cup. (3) What those two guys at Wimbledon seemed like they weren't leaving after the war was over.)

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  51. Can you say "Doug Sisk"? I knew you could.

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  52. Sure, Risa, but Sisk was never *supposed* to be a closer, and never used as one unless we were *really* desperate. I can also say "John Franco," "Braden Looper," etc., etc. I actually don't count Benitez in there, because he was "typically" a lot better, it's just that the ones he blew were really big ones. But none of those people (even Looper) were significantly worse for the Mets than they were for everybody else. What's really galling is that we can't even get career-average performances out of the likes of Wagner and K-Rod. (And it's not like they're the traditional Mets acquisitions of guys who *used* to be good. Wagner's even pitching lights out for the #@($*&*#$ Braves now.) It's more like, can you say "Mo Vaughn"? "Roberto Alomar"? People who could have been rationally expected to still be legitimate stars.

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  53. A child molester is disabused.

    Word verification: "sewnests": what weaver finches do.

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  54. A bankrupt company is discorporated.

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  55. A GPS is displaced (and especially so when the driver does not follow directions).

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  56. A censored pamphleteer is distracted.

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  57. A lost chiropractor is dislocated.

    (Yes, I know "dislocated" has already been used, but this one was just Too Good.)

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  58. Prince Rainier of Monaco was disGraced.

    (Okay, groan away)

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  59. A wildlife biologist is denatured.

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  60. A podiatrist is defeated.

    And Jon, by rule 3 above, multiple consecutive posts by the same person are disallowed. (As is a person who gets a tracheotomy. And the joke in these parentheses, but I couldn't resist.)

    Word verification: "moubjec: -- Chico's response to Groucho's "Consider my client: an immovable ...."

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  61. A melancholy Shakespearean prince is disdained.

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  62. Speaking of Shakespeare, a Shakespeare scholar is disbarred.

    Word verification: "warke" -- what I'm sometimes avoiding when I play this game.

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  63. Well, if you're going to go all Shakespearean on me, Jay: Bottom was disassembled.

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  64. Or, What happened when Oberon finally managed to tear Bottom away from Titania? Disaster! That doesn't count for this game, of course, but the following does:

    A fisherman is debated.

    Word verification: "nosubst" -- what you should acce.

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  65. A Swedish auto manufacturer is devolved.

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  66. A castle architect is demoted.

    -Bensburg

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  67. At the risk of being gruesome: A Cornellian is disgorged.

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  68. A judge who ordered busing is disintegrated.

    Word verification: "clesh" -- an old-school Jewish tailor tells you your shirt and your tie do.

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  69. Do we care that "disintegrated" was used before?

    A racist politicians is denigrated.

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  70. Josh, it's up to Fearless Leader, but I don't think there's a rule against using the same participle for two different "professions," so both Dave's calculus professor and my judge can be disintegrated. But I already used "A racist is denigrated," so I think yours doesn't count.

    Which if Jerry is going by the same version of the "no consecutive posts" rule as another blog game I play, means that I can't post yet. (Not until someone else posts a *valid* entry.)

    ReplyDelete
  71. Huh. And I would swear that I'd searched to make sure it wasn't already there. OK, how about something really obscure:

    A medieval Irish scholar is distained.

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  72. I'll wait for a ruling from Jerry on that one, Josh, because I suspect it may have to be something he recognizes without further explanation. (I think may also be vulnerable on other counts, but I'll refrain from my customary nitpicking, at least until *I* understand it.)

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  73. Oh, piffle paffle. Just go ahead.

    If it makes you feel better, an abbot is deprioritized.

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  74. In this crowd, I'm surprised no one has yet posted:

    An actor is displayed.

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  75. Josh: "Obscure"? Nah. You can't cow this group ...

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  76. A Hartford politician is disconnected.

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  77. A particle physicist losing his European fellowship is discerned.

    (okay, Jay. I'll wait.)

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  78. Word verification: "disparsh". Have at it.

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  79. A Yankee outfielder is dismantled.

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  80. A remake of "Maltese Falcon" with a new cast is disastorous.

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  81. A Giants outfielder is dismayed.

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  82. A sloppy church musician is disorganized.

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  83. A crashed Olympic racer is deluged.

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  84. A kid spared his mother's awful cooking is delivered.

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  85. A falsely attributed Shakespearean play is defoliated.

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  86. Tattoo, after given food in the Fantasy Island cafeteria line, is deserving.

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  87. A batter is distanced.

    Word verification: "addli" -- in a strange manner, esp. in Bahston. "Addli enough ...."

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  88. Is blogspot acting up or something? (I've seen it do this on the other blog I play a game on.) Earlier this evening, I posted "A batter is distanced," but now I don't see it.

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  89. It was noted earlier that a journalist is depressed. An Internet journalist is decompressed.

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  90. A malfunctioning word verification blogspot system is disparshed.

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  91. A Cowardly Lion is discouraged.

    Word verification: "ogyrami" -- paper folding for dyslexics.

    Second word verification, because the first apparently *wasn't* "ogyrami": "pookin" -- all the other Bears of Very Little Brain.

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  92. A pitcher who pitches a complete-game, three-hit shutout, *and* homers for the first run of the game, is ... Johan Santana!

    (That was *not* a contest entry.)

    What I *don't* understand is, the Reds come up in the ninth, with a starter who's thrown over 100 pitches still out there, for a team whose bullpen has been shaky lately, and every single batter in the inning, except for Scotty Rolen (who got the third hit), hits the first pitch. I guess maybe the way Johan had been pitching all night they figured they didn't want him to get ahead of them, but still....

    (Word verification: "slisifyi" (Arabic) -- For the third time, for your information....

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  93. And, Jerry, you're going to have to halt this because there's no way all of us are going to shut up for a full three days ...

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  94. Word verifications:

    "mucteri" : what I find in my shower drain.
    "skitro" : an attempt to make a neighborhood sound more upscale.

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  95. I'll shut up when I'm *done*, Jon.

    A face that launched a thousand ships is destroyed.

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  96. That's very good, Jay.

    A restroom attendant is discommoded.

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  97. A dog with a hairlip is disembarked.

    -Alex

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  98. A Banjo player is despicable.

    -Bensburg

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  99. A public defender is displeased.

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  100. A herald is descried.

    The verification was "psualshe", which means "genetically modified zucchini".

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  101. An Italian pimp is disputed.

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  102. Less than four hours to go, before this contest is, uh, what would the word be?

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  103. Thanks Josh.

    A celebrity whose planned honor ceremony is canceled due to scandal is distributed.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Of course, what I really meant was that a wordgamer is deboned and demoted.

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  105. That would be a punster, Josh.

    Word verification: "aratina" -- a small arata.

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  106. Got it! This game is now displayed.

    But I'll wait until Fearless Leader officially announces it, before posting all the ones I "left on the page."

    Word verification: "sorch" -- to look for what fell out of your pants pocket when you burned it with the iron.

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  107. Isn't there another 72 hour window (now another benchmark) or is it 72 hours from an "eligible" post, i.e. a submission to the game?

    ReplyDelete
  108. Bill, are you trying to challenge me for the position of official nitpicker? (;-) (And if you are, shall I call you the next time my daughter has head lice?)

    It's true, Jerry said merely "no new posts for 72 hours." I'm guessing that he meant "submissions to the game," but I guess we'll wait for his ruling on that as well.

    Word verification "subvoc" could be an abbreviation for a real word, so I won't try to come up with a whimsical definition. Now if it were "subvac," the obvious definition at this point would be "Bill Bensburg, at places like Johnny's Big Red Grill."

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  109. An advocate for adopting the metric system is deprogrammed.

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  110. OK, just in case:

    A computer geek is detected.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Have we had A dry cleaner is disdained,yet?

    You can't have too many pedants, Jay. ;)

    -Bensburg

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  112. Bill, I disdained Hamlet, and Alex dispatched a tailor, but no, your dry cleaner looks new. Which means that I get to post:

    A train engineer is distracted. (And as a result, his train is too.)

    Word verification: "inoble" -- those spoof prizes they give out in Cambridge (Click & Clack's fair city) every year.

    ReplyDelete
  113. OK, so now it's almost four days since the expiration of the original three days, so the following presumably don't count.

    A magician is districted. (Only really makes sense after the above "distracted," because "districted" normally has the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLABle.)

    A prize bull is disseminated. (Might be considered a duplicate of an earlier "disseminated" on a similar theme, but that one struck me as more like the old lightbulb joke about "unscrewing.")

    A babysitter is distended.

    A fast-food worker in charge of serving the people waiting for their drinks is disciplined.


    Word verification: "entho" -- (1) enthusiastic in spite of everything. (2) who Treebeard patronized when Mrs. Treebeard was unwilling.

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  114. (Yes, I know, by the time I finished the above, it was *more* than four days since the expiration of the original three days, but I started it before 11 and was interrupted.)

    Word verification 1 (there's going to be another because I forgot to type it before I pressed "Edit"): "quelshi" -- how rumors feel when people stop them from spreading.

    Word verification 2: "weers" -- (1) people who can't decide whether to drink wine or beer. (2) Homosexuals, as described by either a politically incorrect bigot or a radical academic (as in "Queer Studies"), either one with a peech impediment.

    ReplyDelete