What's funny? What isn't? And why do I never get a laugh when I tell that joke about the moose?

Friday, June 4, 2010

Contest #2: Spider's Game

Q: If a priest is defrocked, what happens to a lawyer who is fired?
A: A lawyer is debriefed, of course!


That's the format for a punning game created by Spider Robinson. Spider is a pretty good science fiction writer with a REALLY good sense of humor. (See the previous blog entry "God is an Iron")

The game I call "Spider's Game" first appeared in one of his novels (Callahan's Lady, I believe). His characters reel off whole sequence of delightfully awful puns.

Now, I haven't got the book in front of me, but here are some other examples:

A statistician is demeaned.

A skunk is distinct.

A dressmaker is depleated.

A lazy person is diseased.

And two spectacularly bad puns:

A vegetable juice manufacturer is deviated.

A priest with the New York City Transit Authority receives disPennStation.

Well, that's the basis of our new contest: Create as many entries to Spider's Game as possible. There will be two prizes awarded this time around, one for the most valid entries, and one for the single worst (you know, best) pun.

Here are the rules (such as they are):

1) All entries are to be in the form "A(n) __________ is __________" All the descriptive words are to start with the prefixes "dis" or "de" and have to be real words.

2) Entries have to be a pun, rather than a real world example.

3) Only ONE ENTRY AT A TIME. Someone else has to post an entry before you can post a second entry. This is to encourage frequent posting, to prevent one person from hogging all the obvious entries, and to force return visits .

4) The contest will continue until the end of June 2010, or until there have been no new posts for 72 hours, whichever is later.

Friends and relatives are encouraged to enter, as are complete strangers. Decisions of Fearless Leader are (as usual) arbitrary and final.

Read, set, GO!






139 comments:

  1. Civil attorneys are distorted

    Jerry

    ReplyDelete
  2. Arrrgh. My first post violated my own rules!

    Ahem:

    "A civil attorney is distorted"

    There we go.

    Jerry

    ReplyDelete
  3. An illusionist is disappeared.

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  4. A private investigator is dislocated.

    ReplyDelete
  5. That last one was mine.

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  6. A farmer is distilled.

    (and now I am going to bed)

    Jerry

    ReplyDelete
  7. A bouncer at a club that serves alcohol is discarded.

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  8. A diplomat is disconsolate.

    Jerry

    ReplyDelete
  9. A lexicographer is demeaned.

    ReplyDelete
  10. A team player is disconcerted.

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  11. A factory worker is dismayed

    -Katie

    ReplyDelete
  12. An exorcist is dispossessed. (And his former clients are repossessed, I suppose, but that doesn't count as a double entry because it doesn't fit the format.)

    ReplyDelete
  13. An auto-body repairman is defended.

    ReplyDelete
  14. BTW, Katie and Alex, you don't need to be anonymous, as I found out on another blog before I found out while posting on this blog that I actually do have a Google account. You can select "Name/URL" as your profile, and give "google.com" as the URL.

    ReplyDelete
  15. A bridge expert is defenestrated.

    This is Bill Bensburg, btw

    ReplyDelete
  16. A journalist is depressed.

    Hmmm, first time I've seen a "word verification" that was an actual English word: orris. (Of course now it's gone.)

    ReplyDelete
  17. A diplomat is disconsolate

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  18. Jerry already used that one, Alex.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Damn.

    A tailor is dispatched, then.

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  20. A goose's butcher is dissipated.

    ReplyDelete
  21. An event planner is dysfunctional.

    ReplyDelete
  22. A moose joke ... doesn't get laughs.

    ReplyDelete
  23. An entomologist is debugged.

    ReplyDelete
  24. OK, time to go politically incorrect. Apologies to those whom I will offend.

    A racist if denigrated.

    ReplyDelete
  25. So, right after Risa posts, google starts showing ads for lawyers. But you're not posting from your work account, are you?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wow, that's weird. I did not post from work - I worked from home, but logged on seperately from my home computer. Scary.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Where is everybody? Jerry, in the "initials game" that Janet and I play on someone else's blog, he has the same rule about no consecutive posts. But sometime last year he modified it so that if no one else posts for 20 minutes, the same person can post again (as I'm about to do right now, in fact). Those games end after 52 hours, so a short interval is perhaps appropriate, which it wouldn't be here; but how about if no one else posts for 24 hours?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Models are deposed. (thanks for posting Jay)

    ReplyDelete
  29. That's "A model is deposed," Risa, but I'll leave it to your husband to determine whether you get credit despite violating the officially sanctioned format.

    Meanwhile, back at the politically-incorrect ranch:

    An East Asia expert is disoriented.

    ReplyDelete
  30. (And given my comment on Risa's post, I'd better leave it to someone else to figure out what happens to a pedant. And probably to do it to me.)

    ReplyDelete
  31. >if = is

    Only if i = 0 or f = s

    ReplyDelete
  32. Speaking of pedants, Jon....

    ReplyDelete
  33. A model-maker is deformed.

    ReplyDelete
  34. As Jerry mentioned earlier, a farmer is distilled. But what he forgot to mention is:

    A distiller is dispirited.

    (Word verification: "pansup" -- it's what's for dinner, but only if you have sufficient skillet preparing it.)

    ReplyDelete
  35. For my next trick, Jay, I will prove P=NP if N = 1 or P = 0.

    ReplyDelete
  36. And when you've done that, Jon, your life will be complete?

    ReplyDelete
  37. A logician is deposited

    ReplyDelete
  38. (And a divorcee is remiss, but that doesn't fit the format.)

    ReplyDelete
  39. An incumbent Congressional election loser is dismembered.

    ReplyDelete
  40. A band that only plays music that other artists have already made popular is discovered.

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  41. A firefighter is distinguished.

    ReplyDelete
  42. A comic book artist who works between the penciller and the colorist is disInkLined

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  43. A comic book artist who does his work between that of a penciller and that of a colorist is disInkLined.

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  44. A camp counselor is debunked.

    Word verification: "edlin" -- *not* the text editor I'm using to post this.

    ReplyDelete
  45. A poll watcher is devoted.

    -Bensburg

    ReplyDelete
  46. A handbag maker is dispersed.

    ReplyDelete
  47. A cruciverbalist is dissolved.

    -Bensburg

    (repeat post?)

    ReplyDelete
  48. A transplant surgeon is disorganized.

    Word verification: "matents" -- what female inventors get.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Come on peeps, I've got about 10 more backed up here. I may have to resort to posting half of them under various assumed names. (I'd never actually do that in a venue like this, but as our Fearless Leader knows full well, it's not that uncommon a practice for writers, for various reasons.)

    So, after two posts with "distill" in them, now we're getting ads for "The Smirnoff Experience."

    Word verification: "muntsms" -- ideologies supporting the use of as few vowels as possible.

    ReplyDelete
  50. A Calculus Professor is disintegrated.

    ReplyDelete
  51. A relief pitcher is disclosed.

    ReplyDelete
  52. (And if Frankie keeps putting two men on in the ninth before squeaking out of it, I might recommend "disclosing" him!)

    (Word verification: "Winest": (1) What I may end up drinking (after "wine" and "winer") if Frankie keeps this up. (2) What I'm likely to turn into (after "whiner") if Frankie keeps this up.)

    (Second word verification, because I forgot to actually type the first one before commenting on it: "Porea": (1) What Frankie's not leaving after the war is over. (2) One nation that will *never* win the World Cup. (3) What those two guys at Wimbledon seemed like they weren't leaving after the war was over.)

    ReplyDelete
  53. Can you say "Doug Sisk"? I knew you could.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Sure, Risa, but Sisk was never *supposed* to be a closer, and never used as one unless we were *really* desperate. I can also say "John Franco," "Braden Looper," etc., etc. I actually don't count Benitez in there, because he was "typically" a lot better, it's just that the ones he blew were really big ones. But none of those people (even Looper) were significantly worse for the Mets than they were for everybody else. What's really galling is that we can't even get career-average performances out of the likes of Wagner and K-Rod. (And it's not like they're the traditional Mets acquisitions of guys who *used* to be good. Wagner's even pitching lights out for the #@($*&*#$ Braves now.) It's more like, can you say "Mo Vaughn"? "Roberto Alomar"? People who could have been rationally expected to still be legitimate stars.

    ReplyDelete
  55. A child molester is disabused.

    Word verification: "sewnests": what weaver finches do.

    ReplyDelete
  56. A bankrupt company is discorporated.

    ReplyDelete
  57. A GPS is displaced (and especially so when the driver does not follow directions).

    ReplyDelete
  58. A censored pamphleteer is distracted.

    ReplyDelete
  59. A lost chiropractor is dislocated.

    (Yes, I know "dislocated" has already been used, but this one was just Too Good.)

    ReplyDelete
  60. Prince Rainier of Monaco was disGraced.

    (Okay, groan away)

    ReplyDelete
  61. A wildlife biologist is denatured.

    ReplyDelete
  62. a puzzle is dissolved

    ReplyDelete
  63. A podiatrist is defeated.

    And Jon, by rule 3 above, multiple consecutive posts by the same person are disallowed. (As is a person who gets a tracheotomy. And the joke in these parentheses, but I couldn't resist.)

    Word verification: "moubjec: -- Chico's response to Groucho's "Consider my client: an immovable ...."

    ReplyDelete
  64. A melancholy Shakespearean prince is disdained.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Tony the Tiger is deserialized.

    ReplyDelete
  66. (Jon, the Tattoo one is great.)

    ReplyDelete
  67. Speaking of Shakespeare, a Shakespeare scholar is disbarred.

    Word verification: "warke" -- what I'm sometimes avoiding when I play this game.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Well, if you're going to go all Shakespearean on me, Jay: Bottom was disassembled.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Or, What happened when Oberon finally managed to tear Bottom away from Titania? Disaster! That doesn't count for this game, of course, but the following does:

    A fisherman is debated.

    Word verification: "nosubst" -- what you should acce.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Pregnant women are disseminated.

    ReplyDelete
  71. A gravedigger is disheveled.

    ReplyDelete
  72. A Swedish auto manufacturer is devolved.

    ReplyDelete
  73. A castle architect is demoted.

    -Bensburg

    ReplyDelete
  74. At the risk of being gruesome: A Cornellian is disgorged.

    ReplyDelete
  75. A judge who ordered busing is disintegrated.

    Word verification: "clesh" -- an old-school Jewish tailor tells you your shirt and your tie do.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Do we care that "disintegrated" was used before?

    A racist politicians is denigrated.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Josh, it's up to Fearless Leader, but I don't think there's a rule against using the same participle for two different "professions," so both Dave's calculus professor and my judge can be disintegrated. But I already used "A racist is denigrated," so I think yours doesn't count.

    Which if Jerry is going by the same version of the "no consecutive posts" rule as another blog game I play, means that I can't post yet. (Not until someone else posts a *valid* entry.)

    ReplyDelete
  78. Huh. And I would swear that I'd searched to make sure it wasn't already there. OK, how about something really obscure:

    A medieval Irish scholar is distained.

    ReplyDelete
  79. I'll wait for a ruling from Jerry on that one, Josh, because I suspect it may have to be something he recognizes without further explanation. (I think may also be vulnerable on other counts, but I'll refrain from my customary nitpicking, at least until *I* understand it.)

    ReplyDelete
  80. Oh, piffle paffle. Just go ahead.

    If it makes you feel better, an abbot is deprioritized.

    ReplyDelete
  81. In this crowd, I'm surprised no one has yet posted:

    An actor is displayed.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Josh: "Obscure"? Nah. You can't cow this group ...

    ReplyDelete
  83. A Hartford politician is disconnected.

    ReplyDelete
  84. A particle physicist losing his European fellowship is discerned.

    (okay, Jay. I'll wait.)

    ReplyDelete
  85. Word verification: "disparsh". Have at it.

    ReplyDelete
  86. A Yankee outfielder is dismantled.

    ReplyDelete
  87. A remake of "Maltese Falcon" with a new cast is disastorous.

    ReplyDelete
  88. A Giants outfielder is dismayed.

    ReplyDelete
  89. A sloppy church musician is disorganized.

    ReplyDelete
  90. A crashed Olympic racer is deluged.

    ReplyDelete
  91. A kid spared his mother's awful cooking is delivered.

    ReplyDelete
  92. A falsely attributed Shakespearean play is defoliated.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Tattoo, after given food in the Fantasy Island cafeteria line, is deserving.

    ReplyDelete
  94. A batter is distanced.

    Word verification: "addli" -- in a strange manner, esp. in Bahston. "Addli enough ...."

    ReplyDelete
  95. Is blogspot acting up or something? (I've seen it do this on the other blog I play a game on.) Earlier this evening, I posted "A batter is distanced," but now I don't see it.

    ReplyDelete
  96. It was noted earlier that a journalist is depressed. An Internet journalist is decompressed.

    ReplyDelete
  97. A malfunctioning word verification blogspot system is disparshed.

    ReplyDelete
  98. A Cowardly Lion is discouraged.

    Word verification: "ogyrami" -- paper folding for dyslexics.

    Second word verification, because the first apparently *wasn't* "ogyrami": "pookin" -- all the other Bears of Very Little Brain.

    ReplyDelete
  99. A pitcher who pitches a complete-game, three-hit shutout, *and* homers for the first run of the game, is ... Johan Santana!

    (That was *not* a contest entry.)

    What I *don't* understand is, the Reds come up in the ninth, with a starter who's thrown over 100 pitches still out there, for a team whose bullpen has been shaky lately, and every single batter in the inning, except for Scotty Rolen (who got the third hit), hits the first pitch. I guess maybe the way Johan had been pitching all night they figured they didn't want him to get ahead of them, but still....

    (Word verification: "slisifyi" (Arabic) -- For the third time, for your information....

    ReplyDelete
  100. And, Jerry, you're going to have to halt this because there's no way all of us are going to shut up for a full three days ...

    ReplyDelete
  101. Word verifications:

    "mucteri" : what I find in my shower drain.
    "skitro" : an attempt to make a neighborhood sound more upscale.

    ReplyDelete
  102. I'll shut up when I'm *done*, Jon.

    A face that launched a thousand ships is destroyed.

    ReplyDelete
  103. That's very good, Jay.

    A restroom attendant is discommoded.

    ReplyDelete
  104. A dog with a hairlip is disembarked.

    -Alex

    ReplyDelete
  105. A Banjo player is despicable.

    -Bensburg

    ReplyDelete
  106. A public defender is displeased.

    ReplyDelete
  107. A herald is descried.

    The verification was "psualshe", which means "genetically modified zucchini".

    ReplyDelete
  108. An Italian pimp is disputed.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Less than four hours to go, before this contest is, uh, what would the word be?

    ReplyDelete
  110. Thanks Josh.

    A celebrity whose planned honor ceremony is canceled due to scandal is distributed.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Of course, what I really meant was that a wordgamer is deboned and demoted.

    ReplyDelete
  112. That would be a punster, Josh.

    Word verification: "aratina" -- a small arata.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Got it! This game is now displayed.

    But I'll wait until Fearless Leader officially announces it, before posting all the ones I "left on the page."

    Word verification: "sorch" -- to look for what fell out of your pants pocket when you burned it with the iron.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Isn't there another 72 hour window (now another benchmark) or is it 72 hours from an "eligible" post, i.e. a submission to the game?

    ReplyDelete
  115. Bill, are you trying to challenge me for the position of official nitpicker? (;-) (And if you are, shall I call you the next time my daughter has head lice?)

    It's true, Jerry said merely "no new posts for 72 hours." I'm guessing that he meant "submissions to the game," but I guess we'll wait for his ruling on that as well.

    Word verification "subvoc" could be an abbreviation for a real word, so I won't try to come up with a whimsical definition. Now if it were "subvac," the obvious definition at this point would be "Bill Bensburg, at places like Johnny's Big Red Grill."

    ReplyDelete
  116. An advocate for adopting the metric system is deprogrammed.

    ReplyDelete
  117. OK, just in case:

    A computer geek is detected.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Have we had A dry cleaner is disdained,yet?

    You can't have too many pedants, Jay. ;)

    -Bensburg

    ReplyDelete
  119. Bill, I disdained Hamlet, and Alex dispatched a tailor, but no, your dry cleaner looks new. Which means that I get to post:

    A train engineer is distracted. (And as a result, his train is too.)

    Word verification: "inoble" -- those spoof prizes they give out in Cambridge (Click & Clack's fair city) every year.

    ReplyDelete
  120. OK, so now it's almost four days since the expiration of the original three days, so the following presumably don't count.

    A magician is districted. (Only really makes sense after the above "distracted," because "districted" normally has the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLABle.)

    A prize bull is disseminated. (Might be considered a duplicate of an earlier "disseminated" on a similar theme, but that one struck me as more like the old lightbulb joke about "unscrewing.")

    A babysitter is distended.

    A fast-food worker in charge of serving the people waiting for their drinks is disciplined.


    Word verification: "entho" -- (1) enthusiastic in spite of everything. (2) who Treebeard patronized when Mrs. Treebeard was unwilling.

    ReplyDelete
  121. (Yes, I know, by the time I finished the above, it was *more* than four days since the expiration of the original three days, but I started it before 11 and was interrupted.)

    Word verification 1 (there's going to be another because I forgot to type it before I pressed "Edit"): "quelshi" -- how rumors feel when people stop them from spreading.

    Word verification 2: "weers" -- (1) people who can't decide whether to drink wine or beer. (2) Homosexuals, as described by either a politically incorrect bigot or a radical academic (as in "Queer Studies"), either one with a peech impediment.

    ReplyDelete