What's funny? What isn't? And why do I never get a laugh when I tell that joke about the moose?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Bits of Business

I'm sorry that this post is a little late. I hadn't intended that the Memorial Day weekend be a vacation for this blog...just lucky I guess.

Some business and observations that have piled up lately:

1) The winner of the Awkward Silence's Limerick Contest (which ended at the end of May) is the only person to enter: Dr J! Congratulations, DJ! You have shamed all the rest of the readers of this blog by writing...well, any limericks at all.

There is a prize for winning the first ever Awkward Silence contest!

From now on, the official award for all future contests will be called:
"The Dr J Award for Extreme Cleverness"!

That's right, Dr J will be immortalized in all future contests. That certainly worth waiting for, isn't it? (Hell, what do you expect when you win without any competition?)

2) Tipper and Al Gore are splitting up. I am trying my best not to descend into the gossip-fueled rubbernecking of this particular emotional train wreck. (Except to note that during the famous lip lock at the 2000 Democratic Convention, Tipper seemed a bit less than thrilled...)

However, it does remind me of a joke, which I suspect is actually a pretty valid analogy:

An elderly couple appear in divorce court, asking a judge to officially end their marriage. The judge looks over the documents, and then looks at the couple.

"I'm shocked to see people your age here at divorce court," says the judge. "Just how old are you, anyway?"

"I'm ninety-one," says the old man.

"I'm eighty-nine," responds the old woman.

"That's really amazing," says the judge. "And how long have you been married?"

"Seventy-one years," says the old man.

"Seventy-two," corrects the old woman.

"That's right," says the old man, "seventy-two years."

"You've been married for seventy-two years and you want a divorce NOW?" says the judge. "For Heaven's sake, why?"

"Because, Your Honor," says the old woman, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ALREADY!"

3) Time for me to start plugging Lunatic Fringe, New Jersey's Premiere Improv Comedy Troupe. As many of you know, I'm a founding member of the group, arguably New Jersey's oldest improv comedy group. (Not only have we been around for almost 14 years, but our average age is somewhere between 45 and death!)

Improv is a bizarre form of stream-of-consciousness comedy. I'll write more about it in a future post, but let's just say our tagline is "Comedy Without A Script and Without a Net."

Lunatic Fringe is wrapping up or 13th season with our final appearance of the spring at Pianos Bar and Grill in Bloomfield, New Jersey on Saturday, June 12. Tickets are only $12, and well worth it. Make your reservations at (973) 429-1527


  1. I believe I've heard the 90-year-old divorce joke with the punch line "We wanted to wait until the children were dead."

    May I request that the award name be rendered "Dr Jay," so it won't be confused with that *other* "Dr J"? (I know, I can request all I want, that doesn't mean you'll do it.)

    As for the Fringe, don't the recent additions bring down the average age?

    And finally, why did you give this post the "elephant jokes" tag? Tipper hasn't secretly been a Republican all these years, has she? (You want elephant jokes? Sarah Palin; G.W. Bush; Rand Paul; etc., etc. The ones currently on the Supreme Court are, of course, no laughing matter.)

  2. And speaking of the Supremes:

    Q. In light of yesterday's, uh, reinterpretation of Miranda, what's the new name for the period between the time the cops read you your rights and the time you finally crack?

    A. The Awkward Silence! (But again, it's no joke.)

    Or as I've been known to say in Indian restaurants, "You have the raita! Remain silent!"

  3. First--if you want to change the name of the award, you will have to win another contest.

    Second, the "elephant Jokes" tag is probably because the program that fills in partial words and phrases seems to work backwards, so that if you start typing "jokes" will pick the phrase "elephant jokes" or "baseball jokes" seemingly at random.

    OR: it could have been a reference to Mr. Gore's burgeoning weight (yet another reason why I can never run for president).


  4. What are the other reasons?

  5. Well, there's that inability to pass up a straight line...