Spider's Game Initial Tally

Well, fellows and girls, the Spider’s Game contest has come to a close—or has petered out, anyway. There were some remarkably silly entries—I’m proud of you!

Here’s a tally of the entries, as of July 31, 2010.

Dr. Jay: 31 (plus five tentatively disallowed)
Mittleman: 20 (plus two tentatively disallowed)
JMeltzer: 12 (plus seven tentatively disallowed)
Jerry: 12
Alex: 8
Bensburg: 8
Risa: 5 (plus one tentatively disallowed)
M Bowen: 2
Katie: 1
David Frankel: 1


Please check your entries below, to make sure that you were credited with all your entries.

Right now, the following are in the running for worst (best) entry:

A face that launched a thousand ships is destroyed.
Bottom was disassembled.
A vegetable juice manufacturer is deviated.
A Banjo player is despicable
A dog with a hairlip is disembarked.



If you’d like to advocate for any of the above (or nominate another entry) feel free to do so.

BUT:
You folks left a number of turns unstoned.

• A Freedom Fighter is deliberated
• A Norwegian escort is dilapidated
• A hair stylist is departed
• A guide is detoured
• A banker is disinterested
• A tennis player is disadvantaged
• A polemicist is distracted
• An electrician is discharged
• A simple machinist is disinclined (plainly)
• A female impersonator is decamped
• A cowboy is deranged
• An actor is defamed
• A civil attorney is distorted
• A prospector is declaimed

And on and on.

Tell you what. I’m gonna give y’all another 72 hours (to 11:59 PM on August 3 EDT) to post as many new entries as you can, with no restrictions. We’ll have a final total then.


The Game So Far


DR JAY

A lexicographer is demeaned.
An exorcist is dispossessed.
An auto-body repairman is defended.
A journalist is depressed.
A racist if denigrated.
An East Asia expert is disoriented.
A distiller is dispirited.
A bride is dismissed.
A firefighter is distinguished.
A camp counselor is debunked.
A transplant surgeon is disorganized.
A relief pitcher is disclosed.
A child molester is disabused.
A podiatrist is defeated.
A melancholy Shakespearean prince is disdained.
a Shakespeare scholar is disbarred.
A fisherman is debated.
A detective is detailed.
A gravedigger is disheveled.
A judge who ordered busing is disintegrated.
An actor is displayed.
A Giants outfielder is dismayed.
A batter is distanced.
A Cowardly Lion is discouraged.
A face that launched a thousand ships is destroyed.
A public defender is displeased.
An Italian pimp is disputed.
A celebrity whose planned honor ceremony is canceled due to scandal is distributed.
A computer geek is detected.
A train engineer is distracted* (not really the right word)
A magician is districted. *
A prize bull is disseminated. * (duplicate of earlier entry)
A babysitter is distended.*
A fast-food worker in charge of serving the people waiting for their drinks is disciplined.*



JOSH MITTLEMAN
A jockey is destabilized.
Tony the Tiger is deserialized.* (I don’t believe ‘deserialize’ is a word’)
Bottom was disassembled.
An Earl is discounted.
Pregnant women are disseminated.
A Swedish auto manufacturer is devolved.
At the risk of being gruesome: A Cornellian is disgorged.
A racist politicians is denigrated. * (Duplicates Dr. Jay’s entry)
A medieval Irish scholar is distained.
An abbot is deprioritized.
A Hartford politician is disconnected.
A Yankee outfielder is dismantled.
A weaver is dematerialized.
A shoemaker is dissuaded.
A falsely attributed Shakespearean play is defoliated.
An Internet journalist is decompressed.
A girl scout is dispatched.
A restroom attendant is discommoded.
An Irishman is declared.
A herald is descried. (should probably be “decried”)
A wordgamer is deboned and demoted.
An advocate for adopting the metric system is deprogrammed. (I had to have this one explained to me)

JMeltzer
A weatherman is disgusted.
An event planner is dysfunctional. * (posted two or more entries in a row)
An incumbent Congressional election loser is dismembered.
A bankrupt company is discorporated.
A GPS is displaced (and especially so when the driver does not follow directions). * (posted two or more entries in a row)
A censored pamphleteer is distracted. * (posted two or more entries in a row)
A lost chiropractor is dislocated.* (posted two or more entries in a row)
Prince Rainier of Monaco was disGraced. * (posted two or more entries in a row)
Tattoo is deplaned.
A particle physicist losing his European fellowship is discerned.
A remake of "Maltese Falcon" with a new cast is disastorous.
A sloppy church musician is disorganized.
A crashed Olympic racer is deluged.
A kid spared his mother's awful cooking is delivered. * (duplicates Jerry’s entry)
Tattoo, after given food in the Fantasy Island cafeteria line, is deserving.
A malfunctioning word verification blogspot system is disparshed.
A Tin Man is disheartened.


JERRY
A lawyer is debriefed, of course!
A statistician is demeaned.
A skunk is distinct.
A dressmaker is depleated.
A lazy person is diseased.
A vegetable juice manufacturer is deviated.
A priest with the New York City Transit Authority receives disPennStation.
A civil attorney is distorted.
A vintner is deported
A farmer is distilled.
A diplomat is disconsolate.
A surgeon is delivered.



ALEX:
An illusionist is disappeared.
A private investigator is dislocated.
A bouncer at a club that serves alcohol is discarded.
A team player is disconcerted.
A tailor is dispatched, then.
A band that only plays music that other artists have already made popular is discovered.
A comic book artist who works between the penciller and the colorist is disinclined
A dog with a hairlip is disembarked.


BENSBURG:
A bridge expert is defenestrated.
A goose's butcher is dissipated.
A poll watcher is devoted.
A handbag maker is dispersed.
A cruciverbalist is dissolved.
A castle architect is demoted.
A Banjo player is despicable.
A dry cleaner is disdained,



RISA ROSENBERG:
An entomologist is debugged.
A model is deposed.* (was originally a plural, but she’s sleeping with the host)
A model-maker is deformed.
A logician is deposited
a puzzle is dissolved* (Duplicates Bensburg’s effort)



MICHAEL BOWEN
A pessimist is decanted.
A wildlife biologist is denatured.



KATIE:
A Factory worker is dismayed


DAVE FRANKEL:
A calculus professor is disintegrated.

Contest #2: Spider's Game

Q: If a priest is defrocked, what happens to a lawyer who is fired?
A: A lawyer is debriefed, of course!


That's the format for a punning game created by Spider Robinson. Spider is a pretty good science fiction writer with a REALLY good sense of humor. (See the previous blog entry "God is an Iron")

The game I call "Spider's Game" first appeared in one of his novels (Callahan's Lady, I believe). His characters reel off whole sequence of delightfully awful puns.

Now, I haven't got the book in front of me, but here are some other examples:

A statistician is demeaned.

A skunk is distinct.

A dressmaker is depleated.

A lazy person is diseased.

And two spectacularly bad puns:

A vegetable juice manufacturer is deviated.

A priest with the New York City Transit Authority receives disPennStation.

Well, that's the basis of our new contest: Create as many entries to Spider's Game as possible. There will be two prizes awarded this time around, one for the most valid entries, and one for the single worst (you know, best) pun.

Here are the rules (such as they are):

1) All entries are to be in the form "A(n) __________ is __________" All the descriptive words are to start with the prefixes "dis" or "de" and have to be real words.

2) Entries have to be a pun, rather than a real world example.

3) Only ONE ENTRY AT A TIME. Someone else has to post an entry before you can post a second entry. This is to encourage frequent posting, to prevent one person from hogging all the obvious entries, and to force return visits .

4) The contest will continue until the end of June 2010, or until there have been no new posts for 72 hours, whichever is later.

Friends and relatives are encouraged to enter, as are complete strangers. Decisions of Fearless Leader are (as usual) arbitrary and final.

Read, set, GO!

God is An Iron

As long as we're on the subject of Science Fiction writers:

Spider Robinson, is a pretty good science fiction writer with a REALLY good sense of humor. I'll be coming back to him several times in the coming months, but let's start with this observation of his:

"If one who commits gluttony is a glutton, and one who commits a felony is a felon, the God is an iron."

Irony is one of the classic types of humor. It's basically when you you say one thing and mean another (as opposed to a Freudian slip, which is where you say one thing and mean your mother.)

On a cosmic level, it's when human goals and activities end up with the completely opposite results. In literary terms--well, just read O. Henry. There's a reason it's called an "O. Henry Twist". The Gift of the Magi is just about the perfect example of dramatic irony.

To me, irony is the sort of humor that gets a smile--maybe even a snort--but rarely a laugh. There's something satisfying about a drug dealer whose car gets totaled by a drunk driver. Or the anti-gay activist who gets caught with his pants down with another guy.

But at some point, the smile fades. I mean, consider the case of humorist Douglas Adams--told by his doctors to exercise regularly to improve his health, he dutifully ran on a treadmill--until he died on the treadmill of a heart attack.

Or Stephen Hawking, a physicist whose imagination spans the stars, stuck in a disease-ravaged body which he can hardly move, and which makes it almost impossible for him to discuss his own ideas.

Or my good friend, one of the cleverest and most perceptive readers I know, struck with a cerebral episode and aphasia that keeps him from understanding the written word.

Enough irony already. We get the point.