A few months ago, I had to use a cane for a while.
It was nothing serious, but I had to use a cane for a while.
(Oh, okay. I had hurt my back. Which meant I had to lever myself out of my armchair, which hurt my right hip. And then, because I had to favor my right hip, I wrenched my left knee. And from there....I HAD TO USE A CANE, OKAY?)
I learned a number of interesting things during this time walking with a cane.
1) When you walk up a flight of stairs while using a cane, your pants fall down.
I don't know exactly why, but some unique configuration of physics and inertia combine, when one is struggling up a flight of steps, to pull your trousers down towards your ankles.
This is tremendously embarrassing--not to say revealing. But it does explain why elderly men always pull their pants up until the waistband reaches their armpits. It's so their pants don't fall down while walking up a flight of steps.
2) It is nearly impossible to pull your pants up with one hand.
Go on, try it. Stand up, adjust your trousers so that they’re somewhere around your hips—or perhaps just a bit further south. Now, put one hand on top of your head so you’re not tempted to cheat. Using JUST THE OTHER HAND, try to pull your pants up around your waist.
Can’t do it, can you?
(Not only that, but look at the spectacle you’ve made of yourself. I hope no one was watching.)
3) It is walking up a flight of stairs, with a cane, with your pants falling down around your ankles, that you find out who your friends really are.
Paul Murphy is NOT my friend.
On the other hand, a very nice man named Raul IS. I met him on the steps of the New York Public Library.