What's funny? What isn't? And why do I never get a laugh when I tell that joke about the moose?

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Spider's Game Initial Tally

Well, fellows and girls, the Spider’s Game contest has come to a close—or has petered out, anyway. There were some remarkably silly entries—I’m proud of you!

Here’s a tally of the entries, as of July 31, 2010.

Dr. Jay: 31 (plus five tentatively disallowed)
Mittleman: 20 (plus two tentatively disallowed)
JMeltzer: 12 (plus seven tentatively disallowed)
Jerry: 12
Alex: 8
Bensburg: 8
Risa: 5 (plus one tentatively disallowed)
M Bowen: 2
Katie: 1
David Frankel: 1

Please check your entries below, to make sure that you were credited with all your entries.

Right now, the following are in the running for worst (best) entry:

A face that launched a thousand ships is destroyed.
Bottom was disassembled.
A vegetable juice manufacturer is deviated.
A Banjo player is despicable
A dog with a hairlip is disembarked.

If you’d like to advocate for any of the above (or nominate another entry) feel free to do so.

You folks left a number of turns unstoned.

• A Freedom Fighter is deliberated
• A Norwegian escort is dilapidated
• A hair stylist is departed
• A guide is detoured
• A banker is disinterested
• A tennis player is disadvantaged
• A polemicist is distracted
• An electrician is discharged
• A simple machinist is disinclined (plainly)
• A female impersonator is decamped
• A cowboy is deranged
• An actor is defamed
• A civil attorney is distorted
• A prospector is declaimed

And on and on.

Tell you what. I’m gonna give y’all another 72 hours (to 11:59 PM on August 3 EDT) to post as many new entries as you can, with no restrictions. We’ll have a final total then.

The Game So Far


A lexicographer is demeaned.
An exorcist is dispossessed.
An auto-body repairman is defended.
A journalist is depressed.
A racist if denigrated.
An East Asia expert is disoriented.
A distiller is dispirited.
A bride is dismissed.
A firefighter is distinguished.
A camp counselor is debunked.
A transplant surgeon is disorganized.
A relief pitcher is disclosed.
A child molester is disabused.
A podiatrist is defeated.
A melancholy Shakespearean prince is disdained.
a Shakespeare scholar is disbarred.
A fisherman is debated.
A detective is detailed.
A gravedigger is disheveled.
A judge who ordered busing is disintegrated.
An actor is displayed.
A Giants outfielder is dismayed.
A batter is distanced.
A Cowardly Lion is discouraged.
A face that launched a thousand ships is destroyed.
A public defender is displeased.
An Italian pimp is disputed.
A celebrity whose planned honor ceremony is canceled due to scandal is distributed.
A computer geek is detected.
A train engineer is distracted* (not really the right word)
A magician is districted. *
A prize bull is disseminated. * (duplicate of earlier entry)
A babysitter is distended.*
A fast-food worker in charge of serving the people waiting for their drinks is disciplined.*

A jockey is destabilized.
Tony the Tiger is deserialized.* (I don’t believe ‘deserialize’ is a word’)
Bottom was disassembled.
An Earl is discounted.
Pregnant women are disseminated.
A Swedish auto manufacturer is devolved.
At the risk of being gruesome: A Cornellian is disgorged.
A racist politicians is denigrated. * (Duplicates Dr. Jay’s entry)
A medieval Irish scholar is distained.
An abbot is deprioritized.
A Hartford politician is disconnected.
A Yankee outfielder is dismantled.
A weaver is dematerialized.
A shoemaker is dissuaded.
A falsely attributed Shakespearean play is defoliated.
An Internet journalist is decompressed.
A girl scout is dispatched.
A restroom attendant is discommoded.
An Irishman is declared.
A herald is descried. (should probably be “decried”)
A wordgamer is deboned and demoted.
An advocate for adopting the metric system is deprogrammed. (I had to have this one explained to me)

A weatherman is disgusted.
An event planner is dysfunctional. * (posted two or more entries in a row)
An incumbent Congressional election loser is dismembered.
A bankrupt company is discorporated.
A GPS is displaced (and especially so when the driver does not follow directions). * (posted two or more entries in a row)
A censored pamphleteer is distracted. * (posted two or more entries in a row)
A lost chiropractor is dislocated.* (posted two or more entries in a row)
Prince Rainier of Monaco was disGraced. * (posted two or more entries in a row)
Tattoo is deplaned.
A particle physicist losing his European fellowship is discerned.
A remake of "Maltese Falcon" with a new cast is disastorous.
A sloppy church musician is disorganized.
A crashed Olympic racer is deluged.
A kid spared his mother's awful cooking is delivered. * (duplicates Jerry’s entry)
Tattoo, after given food in the Fantasy Island cafeteria line, is deserving.
A malfunctioning word verification blogspot system is disparshed.
A Tin Man is disheartened.

A lawyer is debriefed, of course!
A statistician is demeaned.
A skunk is distinct.
A dressmaker is depleated.
A lazy person is diseased.
A vegetable juice manufacturer is deviated.
A priest with the New York City Transit Authority receives disPennStation.
A civil attorney is distorted.
A vintner is deported
A farmer is distilled.
A diplomat is disconsolate.
A surgeon is delivered.

An illusionist is disappeared.
A private investigator is dislocated.
A bouncer at a club that serves alcohol is discarded.
A team player is disconcerted.
A tailor is dispatched, then.
A band that only plays music that other artists have already made popular is discovered.
A comic book artist who works between the penciller and the colorist is disinclined
A dog with a hairlip is disembarked.

A bridge expert is defenestrated.
A goose's butcher is dissipated.
A poll watcher is devoted.
A handbag maker is dispersed.
A cruciverbalist is dissolved.
A castle architect is demoted.
A Banjo player is despicable.
A dry cleaner is disdained,

An entomologist is debugged.
A model is deposed.* (was originally a plural, but she’s sleeping with the host)
A model-maker is deformed.
A logician is deposited
a puzzle is dissolved* (Duplicates Bensburg’s effort)

A pessimist is decanted.
A wildlife biologist is denatured.

A Factory worker is dismayed

A calculus professor is disintegrated.


  1. So all of mine are ignored?

    Well, feh on you. Just feh. And feh again.

  2. A wrecked Rolls Royce Ghost is discarnate.

    Word verification. "foidys": Brooklyn version of "ferdys".

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  5. Dr. Frankenstein was demonstrated?

  6. A long-haired recruit is distressed.

  7. A prisoner who is guillotined is dis-con-neck-ted?

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  9. A native American is decreed.

  10. The guy in the booth is delighted. (Suits Jan in more ways than one, doesn't it?)

  11. Jon:

    I don't know what you're talking about: your posts are right up there under Josh's. (Although I may have counted wrong...)

    Seriously, the Word gremlins seem to have zapped the list the first time around. Sorry about that.

    However: Never "feh" at Fearless Leader. It makes him nervous, and he has his finger on various buttons.


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  13. Don't worry. No more feh-ing. I have enough buttons. And thread. And needles ...

    Word verification: "nincous" ... which is a real word describing membranes of the gastrointestinal system. (And I hope your father-in-law is doing better today.)

  14. So, it would seem Fearless Leader was exempt, at least in his introduction, from the rule about multiple consecutive posts. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Not with all those buttons....

    An electrician is also revolting (when he's rehired), incapacitated, and resisted, but those don't fit the pattern. And delighted (especially if he's Spider's own Native American electrician, Many Hands), but that duplicates Janet's. Though I'm not sure I'd go so far as to call her husband an electrician. (In the land of "Joe" the "Plumber," OTOH, why not?) But there's got to be another one out there that works, just give me time to think of it.

    In the meantime, following up on my Cowardly Lion, a Tin Man is disheartened.

    Word verification: "comedec" -- (1) What Jerry's occupation is called in the former Yugoslavia. (2) "You think you can knock me down, punk? Bring it on!"

  15. The Scarecrow can't think of any brain puns, so he's distraught.

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  17. A baseball player traded from a last-place team is decelerated.

    Word verification: "revole" -- what you have to do after your pet snake eats all your pet rodents.

  18. Someone waiting in the aforementioned "sip line" is also distraught.

    Word verification: "ressoid" -- (1) What assimilated Native Americans call those who stay on the Bantustan, er, reservation. (2) (a) Generic term for a resident, alumnus, etc., of a residential college. (b) Specific term for someone from this blog's favourite residential college, as pronounced by a toddler who hasn't yet mastered combining two different consonants.

  19. Celtic tribespersons are depicted.

  20. Sorry, I didn't see the introduction, so I didn't see the rules. No consecutive posts? And I don't recall Spider's examples though I wouldn't be surprised if "delayed" was one of them. Where is the introduction, anyway? I have a lot of middle-aged trouble navigating these blogs.

  21. Mummies are decrypted. (Not sure if that counts; it's probably the same root.)

  22. Con artists are deployed. (You know, a lot of these are probably the same root. BTW once I start punning I can't stop, so if there is a "no consecutive posts" rule, tell me, and I'll delete 'em all!)

  23. Janet, click on "June" at the right (scroll up first if you don't see it right now), and you'll see "Contest #2: Spider's Game." The introduction is there (along with the earlier posts that made the scoring, in the comments), including the original rule about no consecutive posts. But I'm wondering if "No restrictions" in this follow-up means that rule no longer holds.

    Word verification: "hoach" -- illicit beverage that the head of your athletic team gives out, e.g. Gatorade spiked with amphetamines.

    The examples weren't Spider's (other than the first, I think), they were Jerry's in the introduction, and I was commenting on his giving himself credit for more than one of them even though *they* were consecutive.

    Anyway, an angry health-resort employee is disparaged.

  24. Toll collectors are disincentivized.

  25. People who stop wearing fur are disabled?

  26. Once *you* start punning you can't stop, Janet? You're not the reason why Jerry has not, and never will, run a contest on here based on another pun of Spider's, "That's a moray." Or have you forgotten my insane run of those a few years back?

    Word verification: "urint" -- (1) "Pee on the floor? Who, me?" (2) The expression on a cat's face that says exactly the same thing as (1).

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  28. These days, Janet, toll collectors are EZ-ily Passed.

  29. OTOH, British toll collectors are dispensed.

    Word verification: "squantri" -- the three Native Americans who befriended the Pilgrims.

  30. Actually, it's probably better to say that teachers are déclassé (but don't tell my numerous friends and relatives I said that). And, BTW, people who install windows are deglazed.

  31. Now that Robert Parker is dead, we are all dispensed.

  32. Speaking of furs, would a small-animal fur that you wear around the bottom of your face in winter be a chinchilla, or a chin warmer?

  33. People whose talking birds die are disparate. Unless you want to say that people who are kicked out of a G&S production are disparate.

  34. Robert Parker is dead? So he is, six months ago. I don't know how I missed it. (Not that I'm that big a fan of his, though actually I haven't read much. Wasn't too impressed by what I have read, but that's because most of it was his "completion" and "sequel" to Chandler. And one Spenser, I guess an early one, "The Godwulf Manuscript." Actually his first, according to you-know-who.)

    Now that Maury Chaykin is dead, are we all de-Nero'ed? (You talkin' to me?)

  35. A deranged cowboy is also derided.

  36. People who leave large Greek islands are discreet. Or discrete, if you prefer.

  37. And a declassified teacher is also determined.

  38. Of course, declassified math teachers are disfigured.

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  40. Stoners in rehab are disjointed.

  41. As I told you, I didn't see the rules. If somebody wants to tell me where to find them, I'll be glad to follow them. Gotta go make dinner now.

  42. A bride (or groom) who says "I do" and then tries to take it back is devoured. Of course, depending on the prospective in-laws, that *could* be a "real-world example."

  43. A French drama scholar is deracinated.

  44. A Microsoft OS designer is defenestrated? (In the case of Vista, some people would say that *should* have been a real-world example.)

  45. A voice-over artist doing SpiderPig is disgruntled?

  46. A diamond cutter is delapidated (but once again, that may be the same root).

  47. A sailor is deceased . . . you know, when he stops sailing the seven . . . oh, never mind. (BTW Jerry, of course you realize I am not doing this for the points, so don't bother scoring me.0

  48. A sorority sister is de-kappa-tated?

  49. A hobbit who looks out over Mordor from the top of Mount Doom is dis-sad-vantaged. And on that note, I think I will turn in to something.

  50. p.s. A clerical assistant is defiled. OK, OK, I'll stop. For now.

  51. A Roman governor of Judea is dePilated.

    Word verification: "hommetr" -- (1) What Ralph Kramden says when dubbed into French. (2) A French-built device for measuring the electrical resistance of human flesh.

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  53. Someone leaving a SMALL island, Greek or otherwise, is decayed. A mattress salesperson is deserted. A direct mailer is descended. And, last but not least, a banker is demonized, and then when his Spanish chateau is repossessed, he is deviled.

  54. Would that be cruelly deviled, Janet? Or is that only if the chateau is on a Dalmatian island? (Of which there are a lot more than 101.)

    Anyway, a manicurist is defiled.

    Word verification: "dyvwzdhe" -- to censor on the grounds of political incorrectness, as in, "A Polish joke is dyvwzdhed."

  55. (Or to use the British spelling, a Cadillac dealer is devilled.)

    Word verification: "vercife" -- to commit poetry, especially of the doggerel or "light" variety, in the easternmost city in Brazil. See also "vernambuco."

  56. Restoring the only actual example (or maybe just the only one worth posting in the first place) among a bunch of posts that I deleted above:

    A tourist who speaks above a whisper in the Sistine Chapel is disallowed.

  57. > A Roman governor of Judea is dePilated.


  58. Is better than INwisible, Jon.

    BTW, my Tin Man above duplicated Jon's from the first round.

    A provider of highway information is designed.

  59. Oh, there was another one of mine that I've deleted:

    A Cowardly Lion is discouraged.

    Word verification: "suallott" -- why there are so many lawyers in the U.S. (No, despite Jerry's California joke, it's *not* because someone else got first pick.)

  60. Closing time in one hour! One hour to closing!


  61. >Is better than INwisible

    Stwike him, centuwion! Vewy woughly!!

  62. Better late than never, a blasphemer is discussed. And a blasphemer, or a penmanship teacher, is discursive. I'd say a mathematician is recursive, but that would just lead to another one, which would lead to another, and another, and another....

  63. ... until the stack overflows.

  64. And we failed to note that a mushroom farmer is discriminated.

  65. I'm watching Daffy Duck's Quackbusters and I realized that Count Dracula is demonstrated.

  66. It occurred to me yesterday, apropos nothing, that a historian is debunked.