What's funny? What isn't? And why do I never get a laugh when I tell that joke about the moose?

Monday, August 16, 2010

J as in Jail

______________________________

A friend will bail you out of jail at three in the morning. A true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Boy, that was fun!”
_____________________________

Jail’s another topic that isn’t particularly funny: generally somone’s in jail because they deserve it (in which case they are bad people) or they don’t (in which case it’s a sad or unjust situation). Either way, it isn’t really something to laugh at.
On the other hand, confinement is certain to raise tensions—and as has been observed, raising the stakes has the potential to make something much funnier.
_____________________________

Waldo always had an artistic streak, and was always good with his hands. That’s why his fake $10 bills were so good. It took the Treasury department the better part of a year to track him down. But catch him they did, and Waldo was sentenced to 20 years in jail.

In prison, Waldo learned woodworking skills, and became an excellent cabinet maker and general carpenter. His work was in great demand among his fellow prisoners, and even the guards had him working for them. After a year or so, word of his skill reached the warden, who summoned Waldo into his office.

“Waldo,” he said, “I’ve seen your work, and I’d like you to do some work for me. My wife is having the kitchen redesigned, and we’d like you to build a couple of new cabinets, and maybe squeeze in a couple of extra counters near the stove.”

“No way!” said Waldo.

“But why not?” objected the warden

“Do you think I’m crazy?” said Waldo. “Counter fitting is why I’m in here in the first place!”

_____________________________

Jail’s are also the source of much black comedy. Below is a literal example of “gallows humor” that I first heard from Groucho Marx:
____________________________

The engineer had been convicted of murder in a small Western town. The townspeople erected a rickety gallows overnight outside the jail cell as the prisoner watched.

The next day, the condemned man was lead up the thirteen shaky steps to his doom. He stood on the wobbly platform as the noose was put around his neck.

“Have you any last words?” the sheriff asked.

“Yes,” said the prisoner. “I don’t think this damn thing is safe!”


____________________________

The following joke is unique, to my knowledge, in that it has four different punch lines:

The new chaplain of a jail is being shown around the facility. At lights out, voices start singing out from the cells.

“Forty-five!” says one voice. All of the prisoners laugh uproariously.

“Seventy-two!” yells another. Again, there are gales of laughter.

The chaplain is baffled. He turns to the warden. “What’s going on?” he demands.

“Oh, it’s simple,” replies the warden. “All the prisoners have been in jail for so long that they all know the same jokes. So they’ve numbered them all. Instead of
telling the whole joke, they just yell the number. And everybody laughs.”

“That’s amazing,” says the chaplain. “Do you mind if I try?”

“Go ahead!” says the warden.

The chaplain yells: “Thirty-two!”

The cells erupt in appreciative laughter, which eventually dies down. Except for one cell, where the occupant is doubled over with laughter. It goes on and on.

“I don’t get it,” says the chaplain. “’Why is he still laughing?’

“Oh,” the warden. “I guess he never heard that joke before.”
OR
The chaplain yells: “Thirty-two!”

There is total silence.

“Why aren’t they laughing?” demands the chaplain.

“Heck,” says the warden. “You told it wrong!”

OR

The chaplain yells: “Thirty-two!”

There is total silence.

“Why aren’t they laughing?” demands the chaplain.

“Heck,” says the warden. “I guess they didn’t expect to hear that kind of a joke from a man of God!”

OR

The chaplain yells: “Thirty-two!”

There is total silence.

Why aren’t they laughing?” demands the chaplain.

“Heck,” says the warden. “If you can’t do accents, you shouldn’t tell dialect jokes!”

2 comments:

  1. or

    "If you're not a prisoner yourself, you can't tell prison jokes!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. or

    "You expect a laugh from a moose joke?"

    Word verification: "Lifieses"- the breakfast cereal even Gollum likes.

    ReplyDelete