What's funny? What isn't? And why do I never get a laugh when I tell that joke about the moose?

Friday, August 6, 2010

F as in Fat

This is the sixth in the series of 26 I will be doing in August. It’s a challenge to myself to see if I can keep to a daily deadline. It’s been a long time since my CSN days!

Ogg tell you: Ogg’s mate so fat, when she sit around cave, she sit AROUND cave!
- Ogg, the World’s First Standup Comic

(and, not coincidentally, World’s First Divorced Man)


Having passed 300 pounds going the wrong way, I am allowed to tell fat jokes. (See the previous blog entry about Ethnic Jokes). Besides, fat people are one of those minority groups you’re still allowed to tell jokes about. Like Episcopalians. Or Blondes. Or insurance salesmen. Or blonde Episcopalian insurance salesmen.

Listen, I know a guy who’s so fat that when a waiter shows him a menu, he says, “Yes!”
A good part about being overweight is lack of exercise and overeating—but there are genetic and other components. On the other hand, it is to the insurance companies’ advantage to classify as many people as possible as overweight, because then they can charge higher premiums.

I exercise regularly on the Wii Fit—which includes an electronic foot pad which doubles as a scale. Somebody loaded an elementary Body Mass Index program onto the system, and after asking for your height, the Wii weighs. It runs the numbers against its tables.

There is nothing in the WORLD so infuriating as hearing the Wiii’s cheerful little voice chirp out, “You’re Obese!”

(Thank you for the news flash, Captain Obvious)

I knew a woman who was so fat, she had her own area code. People ran around her for exercise.

I read recently that overweight people are more vulnerable to diabetes, heart disease and arterial disease. I also read that oversized clothing is more expensive, and that airlines are thinking of charging extra to their heftier passengers.

It’s really galvanized me into action: I’m going to stop reading.


  1. Just wondering, why'd you change the titles of these from "is for" to "as in"? You get a call from Sue Grafton's lawyer? (With that first name, after all ....)

  2. Nice title. Hope that you will get good stuff further as well. And also an amazing title.

  3. >Besides, fat people are one of those minority groups
    >you’re still allowed to tell jokes about. Like
    >Episcopalians. Or Blondes. Or insurance salesmen. Or
    >blonde Episcopalian insurance salesmen.

    Or moose. A fat blonde Episcopalian insurance salesmoose walks into a bar. Bartender points to the trophy on the wall and says "The hatrack's over there, fatso." Moose eats, shoots, and leaves. But not before pulling a flying squirrel out of its hat.

    Or bartenders, for that matter.

  4. Spammers, OTOH, are never funny.

  5. And, Jerry - is the Wii Fit measuring your height?


    You know what to do, then.

    (Word verification- "riess": an all purpose expletive used on Newcomb Road)