Q: If a priest is defrocked, what happens to a lawyer who is fired?
A: A lawyer is debriefed, of course!
That's the format for a punning game created by Spider Robinson. Spider is a pretty good science fiction writer with a REALLY good sense of humor. (See the previous blog entry "God is an Iron")
The game I call "Spider's Game" first appeared in one of his novels (Callahan's Lady, I believe). His characters reel off whole sequence of delightfully awful puns.
Now, I haven't got the book in front of me, but here are some other examples:
A statistician is demeaned.
A skunk is distinct.
A dressmaker is depleated.
A lazy person is diseased.
And two spectacularly bad puns:
A vegetable juice manufacturer is deviated.
A priest with the New York City Transit Authority receives disPennStation.
Well, that's the basis of our new contest: Create as many entries to Spider's Game as possible. There will be two prizes awarded this time around, one for the most valid entries, and one for the single worst (you know, best) pun.
Here are the rules (such as they are):
1) All entries are to be in the form "A(n) __________ is __________" All the descriptive words are to start with the prefixes "dis" or "de" and have to be real words.
2) Entries have to be a pun, rather than a real world example.
3) Only ONE ENTRY AT A TIME. Someone else has to post an entry before you can post a second entry. This is to encourage frequent posting, to prevent one person from hogging all the obvious entries, and to force return visits .
4) The contest will continue until the end of June 2010, or until there have been no new posts for 72 hours, whichever is later.
Friends and relatives are encouraged to enter, as are complete strangers. Decisions of Fearless Leader are (as usual) arbitrary and final.
Read, set, GO!
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Civil attorneys are distorted
ReplyDeleteJerry
Arrrgh. My first post violated my own rules!
ReplyDeleteAhem:
"A civil attorney is distorted"
There we go.
Jerry
An illusionist is disappeared.
ReplyDelete-Alex
An vintner is deported
ReplyDeleteJerry
A private investigator is dislocated.
ReplyDeleteThat last one was mine.
ReplyDelete-Alex
A farmer is distilled.
ReplyDelete(and now I am going to bed)
Jerry
A bouncer at a club that serves alcohol is discarded.
ReplyDelete-Alex
A diplomat is disconsolate.
ReplyDeleteJerry
A lexicographer is demeaned.
ReplyDeleteA team player is disconcerted.
ReplyDelete-Alex
A factory worker is dismayed
ReplyDelete-Katie
An exorcist is dispossessed. (And his former clients are repossessed, I suppose, but that doesn't count as a double entry because it doesn't fit the format.)
ReplyDeleteA surgeon is delivered.
ReplyDeleteJerry
An auto-body repairman is defended.
ReplyDeleteBTW, Katie and Alex, you don't need to be anonymous, as I found out on another blog before I found out while posting on this blog that I actually do have a Google account. You can select "Name/URL" as your profile, and give "google.com" as the URL.
ReplyDeleteA bridge expert is defenestrated.
ReplyDeleteThis is Bill Bensburg, btw
A journalist is depressed.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, first time I've seen a "word verification" that was an actual English word: orris. (Of course now it's gone.)
A diplomat is disconsolate
ReplyDelete-Alex
Jerry already used that one, Alex.
ReplyDeleteDamn.
ReplyDeleteA tailor is dispatched, then.
-Alex
A goose's butcher is dissipated.
ReplyDeleteA weatherman is disgusted.
ReplyDeleteAn event planner is dysfunctional.
ReplyDeleteA moose joke ... doesn't get laughs.
ReplyDeleteAn entomologist is debugged.
ReplyDeleteOK, time to go politically incorrect. Apologies to those whom I will offend.
ReplyDeleteA racist if denigrated.
if=is
ReplyDeleteSo, right after Risa posts, google starts showing ads for lawyers. But you're not posting from your work account, are you?
ReplyDeleteWow, that's weird. I did not post from work - I worked from home, but logged on seperately from my home computer. Scary.
ReplyDeleteWhere is everybody? Jerry, in the "initials game" that Janet and I play on someone else's blog, he has the same rule about no consecutive posts. But sometime last year he modified it so that if no one else posts for 20 minutes, the same person can post again (as I'm about to do right now, in fact). Those games end after 52 hours, so a short interval is perhaps appropriate, which it wouldn't be here; but how about if no one else posts for 24 hours?
ReplyDeleteModels are deposed. (thanks for posting Jay)
ReplyDeleteThat's "A model is deposed," Risa, but I'll leave it to your husband to determine whether you get credit despite violating the officially sanctioned format.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, back at the politically-incorrect ranch:
An East Asia expert is disoriented.
(And given my comment on Risa's post, I'd better leave it to someone else to figure out what happens to a pedant. And probably to do it to me.)
ReplyDelete>if = is
ReplyDeleteOnly if i = 0 or f = s
Speaking of pedants, Jon....
ReplyDeleteA model-maker is deformed.
ReplyDeleteAs Jerry mentioned earlier, a farmer is distilled. But what he forgot to mention is:
ReplyDeleteA distiller is dispirited.
(Word verification: "pansup" -- it's what's for dinner, but only if you have sufficient skillet preparing it.)
For my next trick, Jay, I will prove P=NP if N = 1 or P = 0.
ReplyDeleteAnd when you've done that, Jon, your life will be complete?
ReplyDeleteA logician is deposited
ReplyDeleteA bride is dismissed.
ReplyDelete(And a divorcee is remiss, but that doesn't fit the format.)
ReplyDeleteAn incumbent Congressional election loser is dismembered.
ReplyDeleteA band that only plays music that other artists have already made popular is discovered.
ReplyDelete-Alex
A firefighter is distinguished.
ReplyDeleteA comic book artist who works between the penciller and the colorist is disInkLined
ReplyDelete-Alex
A comic book artist who does his work between that of a penciller and that of a colorist is disInkLined.
ReplyDelete-Alex
A camp counselor is debunked.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: "edlin" -- *not* the text editor I'm using to post this.
A poll watcher is devoted.
ReplyDelete-Bensburg
A handbag maker is dispersed.
ReplyDeleteA cruciverbalist is dissolved.
ReplyDelete-Bensburg
(repeat post?)
A transplant surgeon is disorganized.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: "matents" -- what female inventors get.
Come on peeps, I've got about 10 more backed up here. I may have to resort to posting half of them under various assumed names. (I'd never actually do that in a venue like this, but as our Fearless Leader knows full well, it's not that uncommon a practice for writers, for various reasons.)
ReplyDeleteSo, after two posts with "distill" in them, now we're getting ads for "The Smirnoff Experience."
Word verification: "muntsms" -- ideologies supporting the use of as few vowels as possible.
A Calculus Professor is disintegrated.
ReplyDeleteA relief pitcher is disclosed.
ReplyDelete(And if Frankie keeps putting two men on in the ninth before squeaking out of it, I might recommend "disclosing" him!)
ReplyDelete(Word verification: "Winest": (1) What I may end up drinking (after "wine" and "winer") if Frankie keeps this up. (2) What I'm likely to turn into (after "whiner") if Frankie keeps this up.)
(Second word verification, because I forgot to actually type the first one before commenting on it: "Porea": (1) What Frankie's not leaving after the war is over. (2) One nation that will *never* win the World Cup. (3) What those two guys at Wimbledon seemed like they weren't leaving after the war was over.)
Can you say "Doug Sisk"? I knew you could.
ReplyDeleteSure, Risa, but Sisk was never *supposed* to be a closer, and never used as one unless we were *really* desperate. I can also say "John Franco," "Braden Looper," etc., etc. I actually don't count Benitez in there, because he was "typically" a lot better, it's just that the ones he blew were really big ones. But none of those people (even Looper) were significantly worse for the Mets than they were for everybody else. What's really galling is that we can't even get career-average performances out of the likes of Wagner and K-Rod. (And it's not like they're the traditional Mets acquisitions of guys who *used* to be good. Wagner's even pitching lights out for the #@($*&*#$ Braves now.) It's more like, can you say "Mo Vaughn"? "Roberto Alomar"? People who could have been rationally expected to still be legitimate stars.
ReplyDeleteA pessimist is decanted.
ReplyDeleteA child molester is disabused.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: "sewnests": what weaver finches do.
A bankrupt company is discorporated.
ReplyDeleteA GPS is displaced (and especially so when the driver does not follow directions).
ReplyDeleteA censored pamphleteer is distracted.
ReplyDeleteA lost chiropractor is dislocated.
ReplyDelete(Yes, I know "dislocated" has already been used, but this one was just Too Good.)
Prince Rainier of Monaco was disGraced.
ReplyDelete(Okay, groan away)
A wildlife biologist is denatured.
ReplyDeleteTattoo is deplaned.
ReplyDeletea puzzle is dissolved
ReplyDeleteA podiatrist is defeated.
ReplyDeleteAnd Jon, by rule 3 above, multiple consecutive posts by the same person are disallowed. (As is a person who gets a tracheotomy. And the joke in these parentheses, but I couldn't resist.)
Word verification: "moubjec: -- Chico's response to Groucho's "Consider my client: an immovable ...."
A jockey is destabilized.
ReplyDeleteA melancholy Shakespearean prince is disdained.
ReplyDeleteTony the Tiger is deserialized.
ReplyDelete(Jon, the Tattoo one is great.)
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Shakespeare, a Shakespeare scholar is disbarred.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: "warke" -- what I'm sometimes avoiding when I play this game.
Well, if you're going to go all Shakespearean on me, Jay: Bottom was disassembled.
ReplyDeleteOr, What happened when Oberon finally managed to tear Bottom away from Titania? Disaster! That doesn't count for this game, of course, but the following does:
ReplyDeleteA fisherman is debated.
Word verification: "nosubst" -- what you should acce.
An Earl is discounted.
ReplyDeleteA detective is detailed.
ReplyDeletePregnant women are disseminated.
ReplyDeleteA gravedigger is disheveled.
ReplyDeleteA Swedish auto manufacturer is devolved.
ReplyDeleteA castle architect is demoted.
ReplyDelete-Bensburg
At the risk of being gruesome: A Cornellian is disgorged.
ReplyDeleteA judge who ordered busing is disintegrated.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: "clesh" -- an old-school Jewish tailor tells you your shirt and your tie do.
Do we care that "disintegrated" was used before?
ReplyDeleteA racist politicians is denigrated.
Josh, it's up to Fearless Leader, but I don't think there's a rule against using the same participle for two different "professions," so both Dave's calculus professor and my judge can be disintegrated. But I already used "A racist is denigrated," so I think yours doesn't count.
ReplyDeleteWhich if Jerry is going by the same version of the "no consecutive posts" rule as another blog game I play, means that I can't post yet. (Not until someone else posts a *valid* entry.)
Huh. And I would swear that I'd searched to make sure it wasn't already there. OK, how about something really obscure:
ReplyDeleteA medieval Irish scholar is distained.
I'll wait for a ruling from Jerry on that one, Josh, because I suspect it may have to be something he recognizes without further explanation. (I think may also be vulnerable on other counts, but I'll refrain from my customary nitpicking, at least until *I* understand it.)
ReplyDeleteOh, piffle paffle. Just go ahead.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, an abbot is deprioritized.
In this crowd, I'm surprised no one has yet posted:
ReplyDeleteAn actor is displayed.
Josh: "Obscure"? Nah. You can't cow this group ...
ReplyDeleteA Hartford politician is disconnected.
ReplyDeleteA particle physicist losing his European fellowship is discerned.
ReplyDelete(okay, Jay. I'll wait.)
Word verification: "disparsh". Have at it.
ReplyDeleteA Yankee outfielder is dismantled.
ReplyDeleteA remake of "Maltese Falcon" with a new cast is disastorous.
ReplyDeleteA Giants outfielder is dismayed.
ReplyDeleteA sloppy church musician is disorganized.
ReplyDeleteA weaver is dematerialized.
ReplyDeleteA crashed Olympic racer is deluged.
ReplyDeleteA shoemaker is dissuaded.
ReplyDeleteA kid spared his mother's awful cooking is delivered.
ReplyDeleteA falsely attributed Shakespearean play is defoliated.
ReplyDeleteTattoo, after given food in the Fantasy Island cafeteria line, is deserving.
ReplyDeleteA batter is distanced.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: "addli" -- in a strange manner, esp. in Bahston. "Addli enough ...."
Is blogspot acting up or something? (I've seen it do this on the other blog I play a game on.) Earlier this evening, I posted "A batter is distanced," but now I don't see it.
ReplyDeleteIt was noted earlier that a journalist is depressed. An Internet journalist is decompressed.
ReplyDeleteA malfunctioning word verification blogspot system is disparshed.
ReplyDeleteA girl scout is dispatched.
ReplyDeleteA Cowardly Lion is discouraged.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: "ogyrami" -- paper folding for dyslexics.
Second word verification, because the first apparently *wasn't* "ogyrami": "pookin" -- all the other Bears of Very Little Brain.
A pitcher who pitches a complete-game, three-hit shutout, *and* homers for the first run of the game, is ... Johan Santana!
ReplyDelete(That was *not* a contest entry.)
What I *don't* understand is, the Reds come up in the ninth, with a starter who's thrown over 100 pitches still out there, for a team whose bullpen has been shaky lately, and every single batter in the inning, except for Scotty Rolen (who got the third hit), hits the first pitch. I guess maybe the way Johan had been pitching all night they figured they didn't want him to get ahead of them, but still....
(Word verification: "slisifyi" (Arabic) -- For the third time, for your information....
A Tin Man is disheartened.
ReplyDeleteAnd, Jerry, you're going to have to halt this because there's no way all of us are going to shut up for a full three days ...
ReplyDeleteWord verifications:
ReplyDelete"mucteri" : what I find in my shower drain.
"skitro" : an attempt to make a neighborhood sound more upscale.
I'll shut up when I'm *done*, Jon.
ReplyDeleteA face that launched a thousand ships is destroyed.
That's very good, Jay.
ReplyDeleteA restroom attendant is discommoded.
A dog with a hairlip is disembarked.
ReplyDelete-Alex
An Irishman is declared.
ReplyDeleteA Banjo player is despicable.
ReplyDelete-Bensburg
A public defender is displeased.
ReplyDeleteA herald is descried.
ReplyDeleteThe verification was "psualshe", which means "genetically modified zucchini".
An Italian pimp is disputed.
ReplyDeleteLess than four hours to go, before this contest is, uh, what would the word be?
ReplyDeleteA wordgamer is demoted.
ReplyDeleteThanks Josh.
ReplyDeleteA celebrity whose planned honor ceremony is canceled due to scandal is distributed.
Of course, what I really meant was that a wordgamer is deboned and demoted.
ReplyDeleteThat would be a punster, Josh.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: "aratina" -- a small arata.
Got it! This game is now displayed.
ReplyDeleteBut I'll wait until Fearless Leader officially announces it, before posting all the ones I "left on the page."
Word verification: "sorch" -- to look for what fell out of your pants pocket when you burned it with the iron.
Isn't there another 72 hour window (now another benchmark) or is it 72 hours from an "eligible" post, i.e. a submission to the game?
ReplyDeleteBill, are you trying to challenge me for the position of official nitpicker? (;-) (And if you are, shall I call you the next time my daughter has head lice?)
ReplyDeleteIt's true, Jerry said merely "no new posts for 72 hours." I'm guessing that he meant "submissions to the game," but I guess we'll wait for his ruling on that as well.
Word verification "subvoc" could be an abbreviation for a real word, so I won't try to come up with a whimsical definition. Now if it were "subvac," the obvious definition at this point would be "Bill Bensburg, at places like Johnny's Big Red Grill."
An advocate for adopting the metric system is deprogrammed.
ReplyDeleteOK, just in case:
ReplyDeleteA computer geek is detected.
Have we had A dry cleaner is disdained,yet?
ReplyDeleteYou can't have too many pedants, Jay. ;)
-Bensburg
Bill, I disdained Hamlet, and Alex dispatched a tailor, but no, your dry cleaner looks new. Which means that I get to post:
ReplyDeleteA train engineer is distracted. (And as a result, his train is too.)
Word verification: "inoble" -- those spoof prizes they give out in Cambridge (Click & Clack's fair city) every year.
So, the contest is over now?
ReplyDeleteOK, so now it's almost four days since the expiration of the original three days, so the following presumably don't count.
ReplyDeleteA magician is districted. (Only really makes sense after the above "distracted," because "districted" normally has the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLABle.)
A prize bull is disseminated. (Might be considered a duplicate of an earlier "disseminated" on a similar theme, but that one struck me as more like the old lightbulb joke about "unscrewing.")
A babysitter is distended.
A fast-food worker in charge of serving the people waiting for their drinks is disciplined.
Word verification: "entho" -- (1) enthusiastic in spite of everything. (2) who Treebeard patronized when Mrs. Treebeard was unwilling.
(Yes, I know, by the time I finished the above, it was *more* than four days since the expiration of the original three days, but I started it before 11 and was interrupted.)
ReplyDeleteWord verification 1 (there's going to be another because I forgot to type it before I pressed "Edit"): "quelshi" -- how rumors feel when people stop them from spreading.
Word verification 2: "weers" -- (1) people who can't decide whether to drink wine or beer. (2) Homosexuals, as described by either a politically incorrect bigot or a radical academic (as in "Queer Studies"), either one with a peech impediment.