What's funny? What isn't? And why do I never get a laugh when I tell that joke about the moose?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I Confess...

A man goes into church and walks right into the confessional.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned,” he says.

“What’s the nature of your sin?” asks the priest.

“Well, even though I’m sixty years old, and I’m fat and bald, I’ve recently started dating a 25-year-old woman. She’s gorgeous.”

“I see.”

“Father, we’re not married, but we make love constantly. I’m having sex with this amazing creature three or four times a day.”

“Well,” says the priest, “that’s pretty serious. How long has it been since your last confession?”

“Oh, I’ve never been to confession,” says the man. “I’m Jewish.”

“Then.” demands the priest, “what are you telling me this for?”

“I’m telling EVERYBODY!”

That’s one of my favorite silly jokes. You can make a case that it provides an insight into the human condition--and it also is a classic ‘misdirection’ kind of joke…you think it’s going in one direction, and at the last second it veers off into another.

That joke’s been staying with me lately. Here’s the deal: To me, part of humor is finding strange connections between things. Your mind jumps tracks from one subject to another--and somehow there’s pleasure in that jump that makes you laugh.

My mind is constantly jumping tracks and making connections--

You know those Cialis commericals for male…enhancement, shall we say? The ones you wish they wouldn’t broadcast while children are in the room?

Of course you’ve noticed the warnings towards the end of those commercials…the warnings about the possible side effects. In particular, I always perk up when I hear the announcer solemnly intone:

“If your condition lasts more than four hours, consult your doctor immediately.”

Because I always shout to the screen:

“I’m telling EVERYBODY!”

What ensues is, of course, The Awkward Silence.


Lunatic Fringe, New Jersey’s oldest improv comedy group is appearing this Saturday, May 15, at Playwright’s Theatre of New Jersey in Madison. I’m in the cast, and tickets are only $12. A better night of cheap laughs would be hard to find. (Once again, that didn’t sound right…)

Anyway, you can get tickets at the PTNJ Web Site, or by calling (973) 514-1787.

ALSO: Is Dr. Jay the only one who can write limericks? Let’s get to work, you guys…don’t let him win the fabulous prize without any competition at all!


  1. An old Jewish man dated a "hottie,"
    And had quite a time with her body.
    He confessed to a priest,
    Who said "Why me, you beast?"
    He replied, "I will tell EVERYBODY."

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. OK Google, so why does this ad appear with this post? (And not with, say, the one about drag.) Must be because Jerry used the words "fat" and "woman" in the same sentence, even though it was the man in the sentence who was fat.

    >Ulla Popken®
    >Trendy Plus Size Women's Apparel. Get
    >10% off now with code Spring 10

  4. Reminds me of the latest Boston political scandal:
    - Old Jewish man. Check.
    - Much younger woman. Check.
    - Telling everybody. Seems to be, now, that he's been caught.
    - Fat and bald. No to first, if second he has a good rug.
    - Hired her for 100K. Not in the joke ...

  5. ... but will likely get him fired within a week or so. Or parachuted out.